The Octopus 99 Review Of 2005

Lost was a crock of shit.
To all the people that regularly informed me that it 'gets really good if you stay with it': You're Morons.

Happy Crapmas

Well, that was Crap. I had just got in from work on Xmas Eve and I immediately became Ill. Literally, I walked in the front fucking door for my first Christmas off in four years and was struck down with a virus before I had stepped on the living room carpet. My fever lasted exactly two and a half days, so when I returned to work on Tuesday I was fine.
TV was crap. Jesus, though, it really was crap. There was absolutely nothing on..and don't say 'Ooo..what about Dr Who?' What about him? He's a cunt. So's Shrek.
We dug out a tape of The Golden Voyage Of Sinbad & watched that.
On Boxing Day they pulled The Poseidan Adventure just because of some fucking tsunami that happened, like, a year ago. It only starts off with a Giant Wave - what's the problem?.
Girls Aloud live was very weak. Bad miming, but they did do Teenage Dirtbag.
The best bit of Christmas this year was being driven to Homebase on Tuesday morning by Greg to find the place deserted and with 25% off laminate flooring. How very.

Dark Wilma

And here's Dark Wilma..taken over by The Space Vampire...notice the subtle change in expression.
Merry Christmas Psychbloke.

Here's Wilma Deering getting Space Vamped.

David Pelham Covers

The Terminal Beach.

Just a couple of examples of David Pelham cover art for Dan. Pelham also did some Philip Jose Farmer covers in the 60s/70s too, I believe. This one's particularly groovy.

Grizzly

One of the great post Jaws movies. Found this for 10p today..been looking for the film for years, but the book is a good alternative. Gut-crunching, man-eating terror at its finest.
Heard Kenneth Bulmer has passed on - a great pulp / science fiction master who'll be sorely missed - more over on Kidshirt.

They Shoot Horses, Don't They?

Today I seem to be suffering from a monumental hangover.
It was Lurch's birthday and I really didn't think I had drunk that much. I do seem to remember singing along to Public Image quite enthusiastically. And I think Lurch liked his Iron Man Hulkbuster action figure.
Toby turned up pissed from his work Xmas do where apparently his boss tried to thump him.
Anyway, it was a good night, despite being in the West End on a Friday (ie: standing up all fucking night and paying way too much money for lager) - but really - I don't think I drank that much.
So I've wasted today feeling like a soft turd and the only constructive things I've managed to do are download Biology by The G.A. and buy two giant tins of Celebrations (2 for £10 - Fuckin A).
Now I'm watching The X Factor - this is because I don't have the energy to pick up the remote - and I kind of want Journey South to win because they're such stuck in the fucking eighties pub-band cunts.
Anyway, the snooker's on soon, so I'll be greasing myself up for that.
I don't know what relevancee the picture has other than - JC - Who's the artist?
PS: Does anyone else think that the little kiddie G.A. fans might be confused by the fact that Biology has no chorus?

Bad Santa

Trust me..it may have derailed Billy Bob Thornton's career..but Bad Santa is fucking great.

Yvonne Craig

Umm..er..Fuck it, no reason for posting this whatsoever.

Oops

Might be needing a new cat.
Thanks JC for the pic.

Any Excuse

Saw Fantastic Four the other day. Not bad. Not the best film I've ever seen, but not bad. Jessica Alba's in it, so it's fine.
Also saw The Descent - which is really fucking intense. Recommended even though it's British.
And The Cave - avoid like The Plague.

Ah, More Presents.

Cheers Kek, for this and the Moorcocks, mucho appreciato. I'm well into reading Elric stuff at the moment - though I have no idea of the order they're supposed to be read in. Just finished The Sleeping Soceress, which features The Noose Of Flesh, a particularly unpleasant way to die.
The Wild Bunch, a gore fest of the best kind. I shall watch it as soon as I'm over Wednesday's Uber-Hangover, it'll kill me if I watch it feeling this grim.

There Is Nothing Wrong With Your Television Set

Super-Cool. Thanks Lurch.

Oh, God I'm Old

Possibly THE birthday card from yesterday. Thanks Toby.

Outlaw World

Captain Future - out there fighting big white gorillas as painted by Frank Frazetta.

Operator 5

Another great cover by Robert Bonfils.

In The Papers Today

'Smokers should pay for their own care' - so say 4 out of 10 Britons. - We already do you stupid fuckers.
We're also funding the military & keeping the fucking roads passable. You should worship at our feet you fucking Freaks.

'Gary Glitter May Get Shot.'

'George Best Still Not Dead'.

'I'm A Celebrity Producers At Fault For Making Elaine Lordan Go On Show'.

What are we going to do? It's all over.

Science Fiction Fluff #08

Not to try & compete with Psychbloke's truly cool picture of Wilma Deering off Buck Rogers In The 25th Century in proper work uniform, I felt she had to be included on my blog as otherwise people might not take me seriously.
Number 1 in the Shinyness chart, Erin Gray is possibly my favourite pilot in the history of Space Pilot Fluff.
The Space Vampire in the picture actually did take her over and she went a 'bit bad' for about 10 minutes or so, until Buck basically told her not to and she stopped. A 'Dark' episode on a par with the 'Hallucination' episode from Captain Scarlet.
Footnote: Twikki was a Twat.

Lost It

Finally caught up with Lost last night (I refuse to post pictures due to the Mooseness of the women and the Twatness of the men).
Jesus..someone got killed...oh, it's a non-entity that nobody's ever seen before. How cutting edge. I thought all the extras had been laid off, or moved to another part of the island.
I presume this was an attempt to make up for the two - two - previous cop-outs on bumping off a main character.
And then they killed off Evil Bloke as soon as they caught him. What are they thinking? It's Uber-Crap.
This is such lame stuff that I'm veering towards The Heaven & Earth Show as a dramatic alternative.

Firefly Reborn

I think this says it all.

Finally got around to seeing Serenity. It's fucking fabulous. It's Firefly with more money. I don't know how successful it was, but I hope it was huge. Teach those cocksuckers at Fox to cancel a fine series and mess with Joss Whedon.

I finally got around to setting myself up with the ability to download music off the world wide web. This is due to constucting uber-cool compilation cds for my w*dding. First track bought - Camouflage by Stan Ridgway.
It's the way to go.

Super Villain Apocalypse

Captain America gets duffed up.
Are there any minor villains left in the Marvel Universe at all? Every fucking thing I'm reading these days is either Magneto or Dr Doom or both.
Fucking Hell, somebody dig up The Trapster, or Mandrill. Or Stilt Man - or The Unholy Three.
I could go on.
In fact I will.
The Eel, The Tumbler, Plantman, The Unicorn, The Absorbing Man, Unus The Untouchable, Red Raven, Doctor Spectrum, Klaw, The Silver Samurai, The Mad Thinker, The Rhino, The Slasher.
Feel free to add.

Science Fiction Fluff #07

As a kind of Logan's Run after thought - possibly the greatest actress ever - Farrah Fawcett-Majors in Saturn 3. One of a trio of post Charlie's Angels box-office bombs. A screenplay by Martin Amis no less. It Rocks (in a kind of dull way).

Logan's Fluff

Found this today..50p in a shop that should know better. If I ran the Sci Fi Channel I'd show this series every day. Heather Menzies is largely forgotten Fluff. She was the third eldest in The Sound Of Music, and the annoying reporter in Pirahna. A stand-in was used for the 'distract the guard with a tit flash' scene in the latter. This upset me greatly in later life when I could figure these things out.

Science Fiction Fluff #06

As requested by Pop Quiz #2 winner Farmer Glitch... Chii from Chobits. Well, actually this is Dark Chii, basically because she seems to be a bit hornier. She certainly has better dress sense anyway.

Holy Crap!

As a kind of update that I feel the need to share - the Alias Smith And Jones paperback I was selling on Ebay (featured a couple of posts ago) - sold for £103.00.
Well, Holy Crap.

Science Fiction Fluff #05

As requested by Pop Quiz #01 winner Abrasivistnow - Linda Harrison as mute turbo-future-retard-babe Nova in Beneath The Planet Of The Apes (personally my favourite Apeth movie).
Seen here with B-Movie giant James Franciscus.

Alias Smith & Jones

Currently up to £31.00 with 5 hours to go (see The Crucial List - some absolutley shit-hot stuff finishing today). How very exciting.

Pop Quiz #2

Ok, seeing as my last movie quote was so damn easy, try this one:

Man One: 'What is this stuff?'

Man Two: 'It's Cannon Fuse.'

Man One: 'What do you use it for?'

Man Two: 'My Cannon.'

Book Land

Kenneth Robeson

Peter Fucking Graves

Robert E Howard

Grant Stockbridge.
All the above acquired at the recent Zardoz Book Fair.

Pop Quiz

My current mood has brought a classic film quote to mind:

Man One: 'God hates me, that's what it is.'

Man Two: 'Hate him back - it works for me.'

Guess the film & there'll be a stupendous prize for the winner along the lines of choosing the subject of the next Science Fiction Fluff post.

Shit!

I live in a basement flat and have a leaking roof. How is that fucking possible? There is no roof. That's the whole point. And the builder-man can't fix it til it stops raining - which is quasi-ironic or something. So my flat is now slowly filling up with water and by the time I get home from work tonight my cats will have probably drowned.
Still, it's all going very well with the subsidence.

Good Gloves

Well, I'm very under-impressed with Rachel Stevens new single - but, hey, if she's going to go around dressed like this I think we should all buy her album so that she can keep her recording contract.

Operator 5

This dropped through my letter-box the other day. A king amongst book covers - but I'm damned if I can find out who the artist is.
Artist - Robert Bonfils - Thanks once again JC.

Sudden

If you see any Sudden books out there in the world - I Want Them.

Zombies Rule

Finally got around to seeing Land Of The Dead yesterday. Pretty damn good it is too. I'm glad Romero's not been tempted into speeding things up & turning it into a pop video.
It's all still really fucking gory, he hasn't backed down at all in that respect. He might've made a slightly better movie if he'd had half the budget, and it doesn't quite have the bleakness of the first three, but it's a fine movie and it's time someone made a statue of George A Romero and put it in a shopping mall.

The Trigan Empire

Found this yesterday in a Clapham charity shop for £3.00 (Age Concern -often a bit pricey, but always worth a look).
The great Don Lawrence did the art - when he wasn't drawing soft porn. Fucking Ace.

Science Fiction Fluff #04

Looking at the guest list for BBC Breakfast in the 5am production meeting yesterday - I got all excited because Gareth Thomas was on the list. Imagine my disapointed scowl as he turned out to be the Shadow Enviroment Minister or some crap rather than the Blake's Seven actor.
Anyway - it still brought back fond memories of Jenna (Sally Knyvette) - possibly my favourite pilot from a British science fiction drama (I do have a favourite American pilot to be posted soon) - and Avon (Paul Darrow) being a prick to everyone.

Easy, Now

Texan takes time fer chewin'.

Kate Moss

I feel incredibly betrayed - it seems Heroin Chic was just Cocaine Chic all along.

Science Fiction Fluff #03

Best I could do on the Diver / Octopus theme I'm afraid. Still, there's fucking nothing wrong with Lynda Carter in her underwater gear.

Octopus 666

Seeing as Kek-W's going on about Octopi & Squids & Divers over on Kidshirt - I though I'd join in. Don't know the artist on the Wheatley cover - feel free to enlighten me if you know - but it's a classic...
(Cover art by S R Boldero - Thanks JC).

..And a James Bama Octopus classic to go with it.

Just Slightly Pissed

'Where Were You' by The Mekons. Best love song ever written.
Discuss.

Science Fiction Fluff #02

I always had a thing for Deanna Lund in Land Of The Giants, even though she was so small. Even the picture's small. And she was a darn sight sexier than the chick in Lost (Has anything happened in that badly written, dull, cliche-ridden cack yet?) .

Zardoz Book Fair

Always worth showing up to. They're lucky anybody goes - they never update their website. It's still advertising a bookfair in 2003.

Science Fiction Fluff #01

First in an occasional series of Science Fiction Fluff Off The Telly. Gabrielle Drake was always my favourite purple-haired, moon-based girl.

The Ashes

I will never again slag off Kevin Pietersen. Fucking good day at the office.

Bookarama

Went to the second Book Palace Pulp Book Fair today, after surviving the trauma of the first Sunday AM show which the BBC kindly scheduled me to launch. The whole thing twisted my melon quite badly and I'm doing it for the next five fucking weeks. Still - met Kevin Spacey, so it wasn't all nightmares and bad karma (man, he's suave).
Picked up some gems, such as The Blood Countess, the only Avenger book I was missing...

..and this..Mox - a particularly sinister Shadow book with a Jim Steranko cover..

..and this - Doc Savage twats the Ruskies...

And finally John Fucking Wayneand Dean Fucking Martin in the original Assault On Precinct 13.

Back To The Future

Bored with the cricket this afternoon, I went 50 years into the future.
Everything's exactly the same as now - except that disposable razors have 10 blades.

Alicia Silverstone

Just so it's clear I'm equally a fan of this Batgirl, even though she was in one of the shittest films ever and it ruined a promising career.

Adios Den

In a weird twist of strangeness, I got a package from Den this morning containing this tape. Den's moving to Oz (the country not the HBO prison), in fact he may have already gone.
We did beer a couple of weeks ago and The Impossibles was never mentioned. In our 18 year friendship The Impossibles was never mentioned.
And yet he saw fit to give this Uber-Obscure tape a home with me.
It's all very sub-conscious.
Good luck Den, old boy.

Scanner Art

Well, I am.