Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Octopus 99 Boxing Day Message

Well, OK, not really a message as such..more a short word or two on Christmas TV.
I actually watched the Dr Who 'Christmas Special' all the way through (a couple of after-thought santas & a reference to Christmas dinner thrown in presumably to make it seem festive). There was nothing else on..really, there wasn't.
How bad is Russell T's PC World getting? Jesus, does every relationship in it have to be mixed race? And always the same two races??
The incidental music in that show is like, so terrible it's actually comedy. "Make the music really loud! It's expensive!" It doesn't seem to matter that whoever wrote it obviously hasn't seen this episode. Genius. People are probably out there buying the soundtrack right now.
And I'm assuming the endless references to the terminally shit Torchwood must mean that that show's not doing so well. Oh, good.
Wow, it sucked. It sucked like a beacon in the fog of Shite Christmas Day TV.
Whereas, Girls Aloud on TOTP (wasn't that shit-canned?) were absolutely the best TV of the day. How wonderful it was to be reminded of how awful the direction & vision-mixing is on music telly these days. God forbid we should be allowed to see a camera shot for more than a fraction of a fucking second before it cuts away. Dance routine? What dance routine was that then? Cut cut cut. Nice.
Ah, Kimberly. Even though I never saw you for more than a nano-fucking-second at a time and you were at the back.. nightmarishly relegated to behind Ruff Nicola (my, they've scrubbed her up)..I'm sure you looked fantastic.

12 comments:

kek-w said...

I second all the above:

I too watched Dr. Who, 'cause it was, like, Christmas, man...

Yeah, terminally crap bollocks. Now I remember why I avoided most of series 2. Someone fucking sack Russell T; surely the worst writer/producer on TV. And wasn't Catherine Tate (surely the unfunniest woman on TV) soooo fucking irritating. Sarah Parish as the spider-woman; oh, how Chris and I laughed...Yeovil actress as panto villain. I swear she actually went "Bwah-ha-ha" at one point.

Has anyone been watching Young Dracula: it's loads better than Doctor Who: better written/acted/etc...very wittily scripted...it's like Buffy for 8 year olds and it pisses over Doc Who. Actually, I don't mind David Tennant (way better than Ecclestone); it's everything else that's wrong with it...
Gosh, what a surprise: a sassy black female assistant (any chance of her being a lesbian too, please or a transsexual at the very least...go'wan, Russell, I know you wanna...)...well, at least she won't be as annoying as Catherine Tate (a guest spot as shouty Cockney bird on Eastenders beckons, surely)...but fuck, doesn't season 3 look almost as tedious as Season 2? Ohhhh, look a Dalek....any chance of getting Peter fucking Gabriel or maybe Sting to do the incidental music....you know, someone dull and mediocre; it would at least be better than now.

Yeah. the GA were totally fab; easily the best thing on all day...

Watching TOTP I suddenly realised the real reason why the show failed; nothing wrong with the format (apart from flame-throwering Edith fucking Bowman - worthy Indie bore-in-a-sack)....apart from the GA, it's the fucking music that killed the show...Orson, The Ordinary Boys, Emma Bunton...I defy anyone (apart from me and you (and we're sick in the head) to sit thru such a cavalcade of toss...

El Duderino said...

I agree on all counts. Dr Who was arse. I had already given up on it last series, but watched it cos there was fuck all else on. The BBC are chucking money at expensive CG that just looks wrong in what is essentially an overblown episode of Eastenders. And the music - what's all that about? You're not making an epic here, guys, just a crap TV show that's trying too hard to please everybody.

TV yesterday was so rubbish that I ended up watching 'The World at War' most of the time which was running all day. Had my Christmas dinner watching concentration camp footage. It was better than fucking Emma Bunton.

kek-w said...

LOL....!

Yeah. The World at War was prob. the best thing on. Can't find fuck-all on today either...truly, this is the death of television...at least on a normal tuesday nite Five would put on a Seagal/Van Damme/Jet Li film...but this is so, so....

I'm fucking speechless.

kek-w said...

Actually, I've just spotted that More4 are running a Max Bros. season at tea-time this week....hurrah! Also, the original "39 Steps" is on this evening too....

doppelganger said...

My Dad thought Doctor Who was great cos it kept cutting between action / emotion / spectacle / horror / comedy.
Doppelboy thought it was great cos it had the Tardis in a car chase...
I thought it was shite for exactly the same reasons....

Also, I don't like the Tardis shooting up in the sky on launch. I don't like this business of hanging out the front door and fast forwarding through the creation of a solar system...

I guess I don't mind a Doctor Who pantomime with a silly villain every Christmas, even if the use of those Santas was a tad lazy, but they should hand the series proper over to other writers - now that we've established the Doctor is quite happy to do the incey-wincey spider bit and flush entire races down the drain (after a 'fair warning'), their job should be a lot easier....

(Blimey, slagging off Doctor Who and gratuitous Girls Aloud pics - it's suddenly gone all cosy and nostalgic in this corner of the blogosphere...)

Dominic Zero said...

Happy Boxing Day dudes.
Firstly, I'm chuffed anybody's actually reading this thing today.
Secondly, I'm a tad smashed cause Mrs Zero gave me a bottle of Jim Beam & I've drunk most of it because there's NOTHING ON FUCKING TELLY.
We're just about to watch 'The Manitou' on dvd that I scored on Ebay a few weeks back.
Anyway: Kek: I'm with you..actually Tennant's OK, it's Davies that should be jettisoned..he's just a kind of Paul Daniels egomaniac now.
But I have to say, I don't think it's the music that killed TOTP..it IS the format. Chart music hasn't changed sooo much in its basic form really. It's more to do with Andi Peters, another Tosser with too much power, getting in trendy directors who can't stay on a wide shot for more than two seconds or they'll die of shame. Doing 'Pop News'. Giving U2 three songs just because they stopped by. People just wanted to see the bands in the charts doing their songs.
Duderino: The whole overwritten soap thing in Dr Who Is Shite, thank god they got rid of Billie Piper..although I bet they bring her mum back. There was, like 10 minutes at the end of yesterdays episode where Tennant & Tate were just droning on like they were in Coronation Street. Did The Kids love that??
Doppledude: Before I read your comment I was going to exactly say give it out to more writers, that's absolutely what's fucking wrong with it.
Anyway, my glass is empty & I need more...

Dominic Zero said...

World At War? Shit, that just IS Christmas TV.

rocket ron said...

the world at war is christmas.... think about it mofos

kek-w said...

Yeah, you're right: Andi Peters did fuck it right up (and yr mate Nice Tim); tho Fern and Reggie deserve a second chance, I reckon...yeah, the album charts and Pop 'news' was shit, but the end-of-year TOTP had dropped all that shitty format stuff, but it was topedoed by some seriously shite musical choices. All those pop music directors then go onto MTV and then onto making action films with the same shamefully shitty/flashy camera work... cut, cut, CUT!

As an aside: I hate Popworld; the fucking presenters are sooo fucking smug and 'knowing'. Pop should be, y'know, Pop....

I think the kids do love Eastenders, etc...they all groove on that miserabilist shit; it's prob. just us that're out of step...

kek-w said...

PS: "The Manitou"...genius!

doppelganger said...

I dunno....There's something quite entertaining about all those poor little naive popstrels and pompous US rap stars being offered up to the slaughter on popworld...

There was nothing wrong with TOTP -if a music show was launched today and got those figures everyone would be happy. CD:UK and Popworld never got figures anywhere near...they just panicked... the relentless pursuit of novelty - I don't care if the number one single was bought by fifteen people or fifteen million - I reserve the right to sit on my sofa and pontificate about how shite it is either way...

Actually I reckon it was a long term Blairite plot to lengthen the working week. TOTP on a Thursday was always the official start to the weekend...

Dominic Zero said...

Indeed, but they did fuck the format & that is what killed it (along with my mate Tim Kaaash), simply because I reckon people just wanted to see a half hour of shite chart bands performing, not interviews, not James Cunt doing an album track or some 'legend' from the 60s doing six songs in a row.
If S Club Jrs are in the top ten, then it's our ploitical right to see them perform.