1,460 Cigarettes

So, I'm back from Las Vegas, NV in one piece. Jet-lagged to fuck so I don't really know what day it is. You lose a day coming back, so we got on a plane there Friday lunchtime & when we arrived back here it was Saturday morning. This doesn't seem fair somehow as we didn't gain fuck all on the way out due to being stuck at Detroit, MI airport for six fucking hours, that's after they almost put us on the wrong flight at Gatwick.
Mind you, I was lucky I wasn't there for longer after US Customs found my quasi-Leatherman tool in my bag (oops) and, after a long debate & measuring of the blade, decided not to arrest me / shoot me. All this with no fucking smoking area. All in all I went 32 hours (aprox) without a cigarette. Man, that was harsh.
Arriving in Vegas at midnight rather than early evening (hence the lost time credit), we found a cab queue that was longer than something really long.
Booked into The Exalibur Hotel & Casino (that's the Knights of the Round Table / castley one), crashed out, got up, checked out, lugged our stuff all the way to The Luxor (that's the Egyptian / pyramidy one), which is a long way - even though it's next door and there are moving walkways - where they'd never heard of us. Still, they gave us a room while they checked out what had happened.
It was all OK in the end, but I'm going down Fleetway Travel in the morning with a machete.
On top of all that, Kate got ill on the penultimate day and then I got stopped by UK Customs carrying in 1,460 Marlboro Lights. I think we were so fucked up by that point we must have looked like dealers from Bangkok. For some strange reason the customs man let me keep the cigarettes. I must have a nice face.
Oh, yeah, there was a holiday in there somewhere. I know this because I have a frogman Pez dispenser that isn't available here and a mountain of soap & shampoo from The Luxor.
I'm sure that when my brains get forwarded by NWA Airlines (No Shit) I will go on about it at great length.