Smart Ass Motherfuckers

#00.

Alright then, seeing as you lot got all 10 in, like, half an hour, I've added another that I saw the other day...so what's this then?

Top 10 Films I Have Seen I The Last Couple Of Weeks

Felt like a long time since I did a top ten..and as I've completely run out of genres (feel free to suggest some)..this genre is 'Films I've Watched Recently'. Inspiring, huh? Anyway, they're all complete fucking classics with no connection to each other, so here you go...

#01 : Psychomania (1973).

#02 : Dante's Peak (1997).

#03 : Lord Of The Flies (1990).

#04 : Die Hard 4.0 (2007).

#05 : Ghosts Of Mars (2001).

#06 : Manhunter (1986).

#07 : Tremors (1990).

#08 : Herbie Fully Loaded (2005).

#09 : Pushing Tin (1999).

#10 : The Creature From The Black Lagoon (1954).

And there you are..I have seen NOTHING new lately, so nearly all these were on the telly. Tell me what they all are and win absolutely nothing.

Meeee

A Self-Portrait thing that's going around....as passed on to me from Kek-W. Apparently there are no rules, any format goes, the idea is to 'reveal some aspect of your inner psyche'. As I don't have an inner psyche, or even an outer one, I just done a felt-tip representation of how I see myself.
And I see myself with a monocle, filed teeth, an Emporer Ming beard, a scar and a hairstyle I had in 1982. As everyone should know by now, I'm a natural blonde who dyes his hair shit-brown because I'm deep.
I'm also a lot fatter & older than this picture implies, but fuck you - it's my picture.

I shall pass this mercifully onto Lurch & new reader KJB. And Molly!

Lurch - no pictures of yourself as Jesus.

Felt-Tips are ace, I might get into colouring in some of my 'ink & paper' drawings of Sue Storm getting 'seen to' by some drunken Advanced Ideas Mechanics. I would post them up, but Marvel might sue me as I'm not sure The FF ever came up against A.I.M..

Jamaica White

Blimey. You don't see this stuff anymore.

Power Rangers

Can't find the fucking Pink Ranger. I think she was called Kimberly.

OOGGA! BOOOGA!

Man With Huge Cock postcard from professional writer Kek-W. I can only assume this is how they talk down Bournemouth way.

War Of The Wing-Men

Bang Bang

As fate would have it I travelled all the way up to Bristol last week to catch The Bangles. I don't know why, really, I think it was social desperation. Anyway, met up with Webb, started drinking a little early, and, well, watched them play songs.

The photos are indeed shit, but I did take them on my phone (yes, I was one of those cunts who spends the whole time holding their mobile in the air - I think that might be worse than being a pavement cyclist), whilst standing at the bar, so it's hardly surprising they suck.

Still, The Bangles were pretty good, they just came on, did their thing without ceremony, then off they went. I recognized more songs than I thought I would. Hoffs still looks pretty good, I mean, she must be, I dunno, at least thirty by now, and the two sisters never looked that good in the first place so no disapointment there. My only problem was that the Bangle I used to fancy was the bassist, and she wasn't there. I do think this could have been flagged up beforehand - obviously Webb's research was a tad lacking.

Still, it was a good night. M Barber was there (he seemed to know ahead of time that the original bassist wasn't involved thus presumably wasn't racked with disapointment - mind you he's still involved in the Music Scene, so I guess he would know things like that), and I got falling down pissed. I really did. I actually fell down. How '80s is that?

Locals Only

Marat Safin

Crikey, there really is fuck all on telly (and don't say Heroes - it's Uber Shite - get a fucking writer). So thank god for Wimbledon. Even though my favourite player Andy Roddick got dumped out in the 2nd round by some Spanish twat with glasses, unseeded World Number 75 Marat Safin is charging through. He demolished no 3 seed Djokovic and now I'm into him going all the way.
Go Marat.

Big Fuck Off Spider

Well, I was going to complete my fantastic compilation cd 'Variety El Punko 2' today. I know how many of you out there are feverishly waiting for your copy after the gigantic success of the first one.
Anyhow, I went out to the garden shed to dig through more boxes of my scratched & generally badly looked after 70s vinyl, but there was a fucking mammoth spider in there. It was just inside the door so I couldn't go in lest he get behind me. Seriously, it was as big as my fucking foot. I guess I'll just have to wait for it to die.
Expect 'Variety El Punko 2' in, well, at least the autumn.

Death Sport

Tennis Flop

Say what you like about Tim Henman or Greg Rusedski, but at least they turned up for their matches.
Andy Murray, our great British hope in the world of tennis, is turning out to be a simpering cry-baby tosser who seems to fall over in agony if a moth flies too near his head. For God's sake, man, get a fucking grip. Not turning up for a quarter final because you hurt your thumb is pathetic. I thought the Scots were supposed to be hard. Bring back John Lloyd.

Mysterio

Black Widow

The Magnificent Seven

Blimey, Mr Shirt's passed on a great little delve into the self indulgent. There's nothing I love more than making lists:

"List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they’re not any good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying now, shaping your spring. Post these instructions in your blog along with your 7 songs. Then tag 7 other people to see what they’re listening to."

1/ Hot Butter : 'At The Movies'
Actually the B-side of 'Popcorn', which is itself a great piece of, I dunno, Pop, I found it recently and had forgotton how wonderful it is. It should be twenty minutes long but is, in fact, only two and a half.

2/ Amy Winehouse : 'Back To Black'
I actually really do know nothing about her other than that which The Daily Mirror tells me. I don't know anything by her other than this. I do know that she's right rough, so El Duderino probably fancies her. I actually discovered this track when it was covered by X-Factor skanks Hope last year. I'll post their version when I get a minute. Still, a delightfully depressing song.

3/ Elvis Costello : 'Goon Squad'
Been quite into Costello's first three albums lately, as I've trawled through my vinyl having recently resuscitated my record player, and any song containing the line 'You'll never get to make a lampshade out of me' has to be recoginised as genius on some level.

4/ John Murphy : 'In The House In A Heartbeat'
Fucking brilliant piece of Morricone-esque grunge used in '28 Days Later' - a shit film with good music. If you haven't heard it check it out, I promise you won't be disapointed.

5/ Girls At Out Best! : 'Go For Gold'
Ah, again I found this just last week and couldn't believe how fucking brilliant they were. Although I can't find my copy of their only (I think) album 'Pleasure', which is slightly worrying, I've been playing this and 'Politics' to death. They should have been huge. God bless Judy Evans.

6/ The Saints : 'This Perfect Day'
Again, a rediscovery, and the only record I have by them. That could be a crime.

7/ Mick Ronson : 'Billy Porter'
Oh, what a fucking God. Kid Shirt put this on last time I was round at his den, and I've been playing it in the car ever since. Just perfect.

So, only seven, eh? That hurts because I feel really bad about leaving out 'First Time' by The Boys. Still I've written it down and nothing bad's happened, except that my balls ache, but that's entirely unrelated and a story for another time.

Now, I'm supposed to pass this on to 7 others to do, which could be a problem as I'm not sure I know 7 bloggers who haven't already been appointed to this task...

St Anthony

Bug War (even though I think he might be dead)

Niowulf

Heather Locklear (yes, she does know of this blog's existence).

Er, that's it. I really don't know enough people.

Sweet

The Adverts

The Ilfracombe Mug Mountain