No Fucking Deal

Noel Edmonds is now officially the highest paid presenter on British tv. How fucking depressing is that?
Just as Gaby Fuckwit Roslin finally disappears and Dar-vina is looking hot to plummet down the ratings toilet, they start bringing tossers back that I thought we were well rid of.
Who's next? Anthea Snowflake Turner - the woman who put the sack & shit in Sack Of Shit?

Call The Cops - Or Don't

Well, great statement from The Fuzz yesterday - they're basically not bothering with 'lesser' crimes now. Oh, unless they're motivated by racism or homophobia - because that's so much worse. So you can get out there and kick the shit out of somebody else as long as you're mugging them, or you don't like their hair - PC reasons - just make sure you don't call them anything. Well, call them a wanker or a cunt - just be careful you don't stray into unacceptable forms of abuse.
My brother got pretty badly duffed up last week on a bus for no apparent reason. Yeah - no apparent reason - there's an awful lot of it about - most of it. Ooo - but it's so much more important to catch the perps if they call you a poof or a honky first.

Grizzly Again

God I Love Ebay.

The Ghost Rider Vs The Tarantula

Ah, the original, cool Ghost Rider. I loved those Marvel westerns.

Kid Shirt / Octopus 99 Crossover

Well, now - Kid Shirt came to town last night (no, that's not a picture of him) for a kind of pre-stag beverage. All I can say is that we drank many drinks and smoked many cigarettes (in retrospect I think possibly going lager / bourbon / lager / bourbon again / gin was a mistake on my part - Shirt seemed more focused & stuck to gin) and then ate many cocktail sausages. We talked about things and caught some late night Sci Fi soft porn and looked at books and watched Jupiter the cat and stayed up late and I think Shirt blogged at some point.
Today all I really know is that I feel like I may have Avian Flu or possibly Scurvy and that all I have the energy to do is look at pictures of Cheryl Ladd.

Red Dawn

As I seem to be able to post pictures again - and my blog is little if not nothing without visual accessories - as a kind of postscript to Kid Shirt's recent alpha-male Red Dawn appreciation post I give you the great C Thomas Howell (The Hitcher, ET, quite a few straight-to-video erotic thrillers).
He's the bitter & twisted 14 year-old stone killer Robert in Red Dawn. I once wrote a song about him.
He's also currently starring in the mini-series remake of The Poseidon Adventure on Sky One.
Cool.

Gooood Morning

I woke up this morning - slightly hungover from a session with Lurch last night - and the first item on the local news read: ' The badly disfigured faces of children will be displayed throughout the underground network today.'
I'll look forward to that, then.

Celebrities I Met This Week

As normal with a week on BBC Breakfast - getting up at 3am and trying not to kill anybody - I ended up with Bad Karma and Frazzled and totally out of sync with the rest of the planet (including nocturnal animals).
I did, however, meet the following people:

Alexei Sayle - If only I'd known I'd have brought in my copy of Cak! for him to sign. Fucking Genius.

Angela Rippon (quite nice in a Demonic sort of way) - Luckily for me she seems to have no recollection of the time I responded to her having a go at me by saying 'Do I look like I give a Fuck?' It was the 90's - I was more cutting edge back then.

Aled Jones - I have no time for his Bumboy singing - but he's a fucking good chap. I would like to go down the pub with him. At lunchtime though, not in the evening.

Aidan Quinn - er..he's some actor bloke from America who hasn't been in anything good. Well, maybe Desperately Seeking Susan if you like that kind of thing. Big star, really famous..

Kym Marsh (Hahahahaha) - She may well be representing our great country at Eurovision this year (I say again: Hahahahaha).

Roy Walker Off Catchphrase - It's a good answer but it's not right.

Kate Humble Off Animal Park - Mmmmmm. Hhhhumble.

Bill Tidy Off Nothing - Ancient incredibly unfunny cartoonist.

Suzi Quatro - (Apparently Back In Fashion) - Once again I'm not remembered for an incident some years ago after which Suzi Q could have legally killed me. Really - it was my worst day ever. Ever.

Well, that was my week. Now I'll spend the next fortnight trying to get my fucking body clock back to normal.

Oh yeah, I've got a few days off - so I'm going to release an album.

Dirty Mary + Crazy Larry

One of the worst films ever..but one of the best titles.

Mig Alley

A classic.

V

Watching V the other night..Sci Fi are repeating the original Mini-Series..and I'd almost forgotton the Godlike Genius of Michael Ironside. He absolutely steals it. Ham Tyler.. nasty mercenary..but with a heart. I fucking love V. It has a special place in my heart - 1983 -Kek-W - a rather bad speed come down that lasted five days - and V was on every night.
Ironside was also in Scanners, Total Recall and, above all, Extreme Prejudice. That's some Hard cv.
Apparently he's working on a series called Ice Planet. How can a series called Ice Planet not be fucking great? It's impossible.

One More For The Road

OK, I know I must have gone out & gotten drunk with Niowulf because I just got home with a giant Pasty. This means I must have been through Clapham Junction station. What did we talk about again?

Ooops

Sorry there's been none of my usual Tres Interesting posts of late - been very busy out in the Middle East selling Danish flags.

Van Der Valked

I may have to postpone the imminent w*dding due to unforseen circumstances - I can't get hold of Eye Level by The Simon Park Orchestra on cd. I have it on vinyl which is of no use whatsoever.
Game over, man.
Shirt, Glitch - you're music dude boffins - can you help in the vinyl / cd crossover? This is actually a Life / Death matter.

Erin Gray Revisited For No Good Reason

JC - had a good night tonight - thanks for being a good sport & coming out to help me deal with my Cabin Fever & getting Totally Pasted with me. Here's to the Basement Flat Flood #2.

Sold Out

OK, Ken Livingstone, I've bought your fucking Oyster card - now fuck off and leave me alone you Greedy Nazi Cunt.
Postscript 20/01/06: I really do appologize for the awful & offensive language used in this post. I was Very Drunk when I wrote it and I promise I will never use the words Ken Livingstone again without a warning.

Science Fiction Fluff #09

The Uber-Hard Shane Vansen (aka Kristen Cloke) from Space: Above And Beyond. A series tragically cut off in its prime. Probably by the Fox Network - they've got no guts at all.

Burroughs

Finally got hold of a copy of Tanar Of Pellucidar, so I can now get on with the reading of the series. I could have got this at any time, actually, except I needed to have the US printing with a Frank Frazetta cover. Not fussy, or anything.

Big Bruvver

I can't begin to explain how happy it made me feel to watch all the 'celebrities' in the BB house ganging up on 'celebrity' whore Jodie Marsh & informing her what a Fuckwit she is. Fabulous.

The Octopus 99 Review Of 2005

Lost was a crock of shit.
To all the people that regularly informed me that it 'gets really good if you stay with it': You're Morons.