Frankie

So what's happened to S Club 8 then?
I didn't notice them on the Live 8 bill. Though I guess nobody would want them too near Pete Townsend.

Wimbledon 2005

As this site is slowly sinking into having a distinct soft-porn feel, instead of going on about the tennis I thought I'd just show how good Boris Vallejo is at drawing asses.
Dazzler (below). Rogue (above).

Boris Vallejo

Tim Henman

I was going to do this whole thing tonight about how Tim Henman's a really good fucking tennis player and that everybody should just leave him be and that he's done more for tennis in this country than everybody else put together and that he's gotten to the second week of Wimbledon for ten fucking years straight and no fucker else has done that....
Then I found this pic from Daredevil #83 and, to be honest, thought it was best to post this instead.

The Chips Are Down And Gone

I have an incredibly intense hangover this morning - I also got fucked in the ass at Texas Hold 'Em last night & lost £10. This pic by Adam Hughes seems to be making me feel better.

Simon MacCorkindale

All weekend Bravo was showing Manimal. Fucking genius.

The Real World

Intensely hungover as I am..I thought now might be a good time to answer the Big Questions passed to me by Kek-W, even though I've built it up too much making it all an inevitable disappointment.

Q 01 - If you could have one super-power, what would it be & why?
(Assume you get baseline superhero enhancements like moderately increased strength,
endurance & agility.)

Well, with me it always comes back to Invisibility. It's all you need. I mean, the novelty of flying's gonna wear off pretty quickly. And what else is there? Flaming On? Running really fast? Turning into metal? They're all going to wear a bit thin after a couple of days. I mean Blackbolt - that's a pretty crap power - what are you going to do with that?
But invisibility, that's gonna keep me occupied for ages. I could nick stuff, kill Rob Brown.
I'd have to insist on being able to make other things invisible too though, I'm not going round naked.
I used to have a super-power when I was younger - the ability to make doors open the wrong way. Funnily enough it only worked when I was on LSD.

Q 02 - Which, if any, 'existing' superhero(es) do you fancy & why?

Oh, God, I could go on and on and I probably will. I had a BIG thing for Jean Grey / Marvel Girl / Phoenix - but - she's dead (again), so I guess she doesn't 'exist'.
So I'll have to go for The Invisible Girl (yes, Girl) when she got hijacked by The Hate Monger (Marvel's best Nazi) and he turned her into Malice (FF 280 -281). Even though she was drawn by the sexless John Byrne my cock was sore for a month after that came out.
The Wasp, The White Queen (she can turn into diamond now - when did that happen?), Madame Hydra and Ant Man are all close runners up in this category. I never fancied any DC characters..I don't know what that says about me.

Q 03 - Which, if any, superhero(es) do you hate?

Nova - How crap was Nova? What did he do? What were his powers?
I also always really detested Superman (all those powers crammed into one guy and he was still really dull). And I always thought The Sub-Mariner was a bit of a prick.

Q 04 - What would your superhero name be? (No prefab porn-name formulas here, you have to make up the name you'd be proud to mask under.)

Ricky Heffernan - oh, sorry, that's my porn name. Well, if I was a villain (and I probably would be) I'd be called Smack Girl. But as it's a Hero thing I'd be The Rabbit. Or possibly The Invisible Rabbit.

Q 05 - For extra credit: Is there an existing superhero with whom you identify / whom you would like to be?

Again with the villain thing - I always wanted to be The Absorbing Man (For God's sake - don't touch glass and don't let anyone throw you in the fucking water).
Close runners up would be Iceman and The Atom - but all said and done I think The Batman always did it for me. I don't know if it's the simplicity of him, or the darkness, but I've always been into him. And he's a fucking multi millionaire and that's gonna help.

Q 06 - Pass this onto three people.

Ok - Niowulf, cause he's got a superhero car. JC, because he needs to get blogging, and back to Kek-W, because, let's face it, his fucking kid did it all for him.

Neal Adams

Ouch

Yesterday I inadvertently caused a Pavement Cyclist to crash horribly into a lamppost.
She cried out in pain as she tried to avoid me by going between said lamppost and a parked car and misjudged the whole maneuver.
I can't claim any responsibility for this event but it was incredibly satisfying.

Boing

As I'm far too knackered to do Kek W's suggested superhero questionaire today due to my string of early mornings in World Service, consider this post a trailer for the up and coming event.
Abbey Chase - aka Danger Girl.
Cool, a trailer.

A Right Royal Fucking

Much as I detest Bob Geldof and his endless, self-righteous preaching, I have to laugh at his bum-fucking tactics with Ebay.
Curious yesterday , after Ebay announced it was chickening out + banning sale of Live 8 tickets, I had a look. Every single pair on sale had been bid up to Ten Million Pounds.
Fantastic. I would actually pay to see some of those seller's faces when they get their final value fees.
I'm especially happy because I did indeed text for tickets (and failed) with the sole intention of flogging them on Ebay. I was going to redeem myself by buying one of those white 'Make Poverty History' wristbands that are manufactured in Asian sweatshops.
As a kind of breaking news footnote: Apparently Pink Floyd have changed their name to Pink Utter, Utter Shit for the concert.

Oh Shit

I see Wacko got away with it.
What a revolting development.

The Crucial Four

Found at the bottom of my filing cabinet..one of The great fanzines..put together by The Crucial Four...Dupe C Average, The Anonymous Spectre, Gothic Raymond and Ben Trendy..all of whom died horribly in The Congo late '88.
Features a review of The Pompeii Stiffs, one of Bridgwater's great undiscovered bands.

Burroughs

One of E R Burroughs westerns - he did a few - with a Boris Vallejo cover to boot.

Hogan

WW1 Aces Vs Giant Bats..with a Jim Steranko cover.
What more could you possibly ask for?

Steele

T

You know when you're at work - and someone comes and asks you if you want a cup of tea - but instead of just asking you they make the letter 'T' with their hands?
Isn't that just the fucking most annoying thing ever?

G.I., You Die!

Went to The Book Palace Pulp Fair today (www.bookpalace.com ) and found this gem. Ah, Digit books were ace.
Managed to blow £50 - mostly on stock - but got some rather cool books which I'll post over the next few days.

Gone And Forgotten

A post inspired by Psychbloke - I reckon that the performances in Sapphire & Steel were so stilted and dull that Ewan McGregor would have fitted right in.

Not Near Mint

Went to see Revenge Of The Sith this morning, and, as is my tradition, bought small film-related toy afterwards...then I TOOK IT OUT OF THE PACKAGING.

Dead Nympho

Well, here's a title I wish I'd thought of. Found in Brighton a couple of days ago.
It says on the back: 'Cover posed by professional models'. I'm sure we're all better off for that information.

A cool poster for a cool film. I almost bought it on Ebay, then thought better of it & just lifted the image instead.

My little contribution to VE Day.

Silver Sable

Now, I'm sure I had some reason for posting this...er..no, it's gone.

The Big Questions

So, I've taken Kek-w 's challenge to answer 7 very tough bookworm questions, and here I go:

1/ You're stuck inside Fahrenheit 451 - which book do you want to be? (Which I take to mean 'what book would I burn)

Well, I would agree completely with burning anything by Ben Elton. In fact just burning him might be simpler. But if there's one book I would burn and piss on the ashes, it's Hi Fidelity by Nick Hornby (I would also burn The Long Firm by Jake Arnott - but I wouldn't piss on the ashes).
Someone lent me Hi Fidelity years ago (they meant well - I hold no grudge) - saying something like 'it's just the sort of thing you'd like'. Well, it's not. It's a weak, asexual ego wank. Everybody's got a good heart, everything turns out nice. It's utter, utter shit.

2/ Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?

Oh, yes. Ooooh, yes.
Much like Kek, most of my early wanking years involved Jean Grey (Yes - she died and never came back), and I was also very partial to The Wasp, The Invisible Girl and Lady Sif.
I was also very into Stefanie Powers as The Girl From U.N.C.L.E. - And more recently Stacy Sheridan in T J Hooker.
But in books - well, I have to go for Fah Lo Suee - Fu Manchu's daughter, she's so fucking evil she upsets Fu Manchu himself. That's hard.
She's closely followed by Jean Morris, mostly referred to as 'The Girl With Hair The Colour Of Steel' in Doc Savage #7 - The Monsters.
I could go on and on, but I won't.
This has reminded me - I must dig out my Silver Sable comics...

3/ What was the last book you bought?

Well, two books turned up in the post today (Godbless Ebay).
The War Of The Cybernauts by Alex Raymond - and The Avenger #29 - The Nightwitch Devil by Kenneth Robeson. The latter having an uber-cool George Gross cover.

4/ What is the last Book You Read?

The Sword Of The Dawn by Michael Moorcock - The Third Volume In The History Of The Runestaff. Superb.

5/ What are you currently reading?

Generation Kill by Evan Wright.
As donated by JC last week - I've only just started it, but it's the true story of First Recon in Iraq, where they earned the nickname 'First Suicide Battalion'. Nice.

6/ Five books you would take to a desert island?
On another day four of these would probably be different, but I would have to have Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy.
It's just the most relentless, violent novel I've ever read.
It follows a posse of deranged cowboys as they hunt the Apache and Comanche for bounty down in Mexico. It's really fucking harsh. It's also one of the most beautifully written books I've ever come across.

The Kraken Wakes - John Wyndham.
Although, as in most of his stuff, the characters are a bit wet and featureless, the darkness of this book lifts it way above its contemporaries. You never see the aliens, you never know anything about them other than their desire to eat mankind.

The High Window - Raymond Chandler. In my opinion the best of the Marlowe books. Tremendous dialogue and probably the least convoluted of his plots. Me and Chandler go back a long way.

Dispatches - Michael Herr. I know, very obvious, but very stunning.

City Of The Beast - Michael Moorcock. Mostly this is here because it was the first book I read that hadn't been imposed on me at school. I readit in one go and it absolutely blew my mind, and I still love Moorcock now. Most of his stuff hasn't dated at all.

Stephen Hunter's The Day Before Midnight and Skull-Face by Robert E Howard almost made it.

7/ Who are you going to pass this stick to (3 People) and why?
I nominate JC, Niowulf and Lacivious Polyphony - why not?

And finally... I've added an extra question, because covers are ace.
8/ My Favourite Cover..James Bama, a genius if ever there was one.

As a vote for the Lib Dems will let The Conservatives in the Back Passage, and anyway they're a bunch of nancy boys, I'm voting for Thor.

Seems a great shame that the last surviving Dalek turned out to be a complete ponse.
And The Doctor certainly didn't need a big rocket launcher when he could have just annoyed it to death.

More Moorcock

As promised the US copy of Moorcock's The Jewel In The Skull. I'm pretty sure the cover artist is Gary Morrow, who did about a hundred Perry Rhodan covers for US publishers Ace.
I read this the other day and had forgotton how fucking excellent it is. I then read The Mad God's Amulet and now I'm reading The Sword Of The Dawn. I need to find a copy of The Runestaff by the end of the week.
I just love all the animal orders of The Dark Empire - as a kid I wanted to be in the Order Of The Mantis, cause they was the hardest. Truthfully I might've scraped in to The Order Of The Rabbit.

Dentists Are Evil

Two trips to The Dentist in two days due to my cheek swelling up to the size of a water melon (though strangely no pain at that point).
Yesterday he declared 'Tooth Dead With Abscess' and proceeded to drill right through the fucker with no anesthetic.
Last night by the time I got home I was in AGONY. Didn't get any sleep due to the prolonged AGONY - then went back this morning for more. As if to make up for the lack of any attempt at pain-killing the day before - he gives me FIVE FUCKING INJECTIONS - roof of the mouth - in the gum - IN THE FUCKING ABSCESS. Jesus that hurt. It hurt more than I ever want to be hurt again. Then he gives me a mirror to hold so I can actually watch him squeezing the puss and blood out of my FUCKING ABSCESS.
Then he put a foot on my chest and yanked out my tooth, which feels a little like somebody trying to kill you.
Still, on the up side it got me out of two days of The Fucking Election at work.

I was pulled out of the relentlessness of News 24 yesterday to go and FM a one hour discussion programme for BBC4 on Hitler (Showing This Saturday - probably clashes with The Dalek).
Interesting though it was (badly dressed proffessors discussing whether he was worse than Stalin, was it because he was gay etc..), I couldn't stop thinking..why did they ask for me..?

For Dupe C Average...as discussed over Lager the other night.
Millennium..possibly the best Kris Kristofferson / Cheryl Ladd movie ever made.

Keanooo.

I found this copy of Lord Of The Spiders the other day which has a cover I've never seen before. It seems my current infatuation with Moorcock is getting out of hand..as I've already got this book with a different cover.
Artistically this one fits into my set much better than the one I had before..and it was only 50p. Don't know the artist...so drop me a comment if you have any idea.

Boba

To celebrate Kate getting a digital camera - I though I'd post the latest addition to my Boba Fett Farm - limited edition chrome variant Bust-Up.

Pokerama

Just got in - it's 3.00 am, I'm smashed to the gills & I have a mouth ulcer.
Still - I'm fairly sure I won £12.00 and a Chocolate Bunny at Texas Hold 'Em Poker.

Simply because Kek W was reading Stormbringer the other day - I thought I'd post this as I've just finished reading it. Moorcock's stuff is still holding up pretty well in my opinion.
This is actually the US version of Phoenix In Obsidian (presumably the Americans found the original title a little complex). Lots of killing and a depressed hero. What more can you ask of a book.

Things I Don't Give A Fuck About This Week.

The new Oasis album.

Michael Howard trying to come across as some kind of human.

Episode by episode analyses of Doctor Who. (John Leslie for the new Doctor? Cool, The Rape-O Doctor).

Global warming.

Wherever Jamie Oliver is going.

Whatever Abi Titmus is doing.

The Spider... Master Of Men. He is really pretty hard. He executes people then marks their foreheads with his lighter. And he's a hunchback. Cool.

Nice..

Logan's Run - the TV series. How very important.

Vegas 02

This was outside the lift at The Luxor every morning when I went down to get the coffee.
It was freaky.

Vegas 01

This was our hotel in Las Vegas - The Luxor - and as you can see it's a fucking pyramid. Our room's walls were at an angle and everything. The lifts (or Inclinators as they're known) go up at a fucking angle and a laser shoots out of the top of the building at night.
I fucking love Vegas.

Well now...

...Jessica Alba seems to be making some fine career moves lately.

Who?

Just a quick note re Christopher Eccleston leaving Doc Who.....Hahahahaha.
And on a lighter note - thanks V much to The Pope for not dying during Newsnight tonight, I wanted to go home and thanks to you I did.

Now I Understand

Sitting outside at work today, smoking one of my many American cigarettes - I saw an ambulance parked by reception (doubtless there to pick up some poor sap who read their emails today) and I couldn't help but notice 'Emergency Ambulance' written on the side.
Is there any other kind?
Maybe this is the root of the problems we read about all the time with the ambulances always taking two hours to turn up at accidents. Perhaps we're not asking for the right type of ambulance. Obviously we need to specify 'Emergency Ambulance' when we call or else we might get a 'No Particular Rush Ambulance' or a 'Sometime Today Between Two And Six Ambulance.'
So, next time you're lying in the gutter gouting blood from your face after a good kicking from the local 12 year olds, remember to mention 'Emergency' when you call 999.
Believe me, I have plenty more life and death information where that came from.

1,460 Cigarettes

So, I'm back from Las Vegas, NV in one piece. Jet-lagged to fuck so I don't really know what day it is. You lose a day coming back, so we got on a plane there Friday lunchtime & when we arrived back here it was Saturday morning. This doesn't seem fair somehow as we didn't gain fuck all on the way out due to being stuck at Detroit, MI airport for six fucking hours, that's after they almost put us on the wrong flight at Gatwick.
Mind you, I was lucky I wasn't there for longer after US Customs found my quasi-Leatherman tool in my bag (oops) and, after a long debate & measuring of the blade, decided not to arrest me / shoot me. All this with no fucking smoking area. All in all I went 32 hours (aprox) without a cigarette. Man, that was harsh.
Arriving in Vegas at midnight rather than early evening (hence the lost time credit), we found a cab queue that was longer than something really long.
Booked into The Exalibur Hotel & Casino (that's the Knights of the Round Table / castley one), crashed out, got up, checked out, lugged our stuff all the way to The Luxor (that's the Egyptian / pyramidy one), which is a long way - even though it's next door and there are moving walkways - where they'd never heard of us. Still, they gave us a room while they checked out what had happened.
It was all OK in the end, but I'm going down Fleetway Travel in the morning with a machete.
On top of all that, Kate got ill on the penultimate day and then I got stopped by UK Customs carrying in 1,460 Marlboro Lights. I think we were so fucked up by that point we must have looked like dealers from Bangkok. For some strange reason the customs man let me keep the cigarettes. I must have a nice face.
Oh, yeah, there was a holiday in there somewhere. I know this because I have a frogman Pez dispenser that isn't available here and a mountain of soap & shampoo from The Luxor.
I'm sure that when my brains get forwarded by NWA Airlines (No Shit) I will go on about it at great length.

Red Shit Day

Watched a couple of movies last night - rather than submit to the torture of Comic Relief - I still find rich people trying to make me feel guilty rather annoying. Thrown-together comedy sketch / poor people montage / comedy sketch / kids with aids / Mcfly performance /news / comedy sketch with swearing / more fucking gondolas / kids crying & dying /celebrities giving up their precious time for free / Davina Fucking McCall..Oh, spare me. I'd rather give my cash to a hard up terrorist organization.
Anyway - Aliens Vs Predator - not bad. From the general vibe I thought it was going to be shit - but, well, not at all bad. Good killing & stuff, plenty of money spent. All in all a good old romp, though obviously reduced violence to keep it a fifteen - as they did in King Arthur - the whole 'dvd only cut scenes' thing is just pissing me off now - apparently in the dvd extras on Bambi his mum gets chain-sawed. Still, which is it, Predator 3 or Alien 5? Answers in the dustbin please.
On top of that we watched Wimbledon - why, I don't know. It was completely down to me - I can't blame my girlfriend. Every now and again I guess I need to check that the British film industry is still shit - and I can confirm without any fear of retribution that the British film industry is still well and truly bum-fucking itself to death.
There must be someone in this country that can make a film that isn't an overlong version of a crap sitcom or go for the 'it's grim oop north but life's what you make it especially if your a poor kid playing in the street near a fire hydrant' theme.
Somebody should resurrect Hammer Films..and quickly.

Flakey

This morning Kate said to me - 'It's snowy outside' - imagine my surprise when I opened the front door and Tintin's dog was sitting there.

Hunter RIP

Sad to hear of Hunter S Thompson's passing.
Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas is one of my favourite novels ever. It's a book like none other and it got me back into drugs in the mid eighties after I had abstained for a year or so.
God Bless Hunter.

In Hangover Hell

After travelling 135 miles yesterday to get Uber-Drunk with Kek-W then coming back this morning on a train full of football 'people' - all I can say is the cover of the pictured book kind of sums up the way I feel.

King Jimmy

Tremendous comeback by Jimmy White last night in The Masters snooker. He was 2 - 5 down in a first to 6 match and he needed two snookers (that means down & out & going home). He came back and won 6 - 5. I couldn't fucking believe it.
The best snooker match I've seen in a V long time.
Goodnight Mathew Stevens - The God is back.

Bunny Man

Walking through Oxford Circus tube on my way to work this morning - there was a busker playing The Killing Moon - how very cool. Makes a change from all the Oasis / Simon & Garfucknel / Beatles I'm used to being subjected to.
Didn't give the fucker any money though.

More Zombies

Just watched Resident Evil: Apocalypse - and a fine film it is too. Lots of chicks with guns / zombies / SWAT teams going down - plus a big evil dude with a chain gun and a rocket launcher.
Uber-Recommended.

Bubba Ho-Tep

Saw Bubba Ho-Tep last night. It's great - a kind of mixed up Elvis vs The Mummy kind of thing. I knew nothing about it before hand, which is always a bonus, we only got it out because the Godlike Bruce Campbell is the star.
It's weird on quite a few levels.
Also saw Hellboy. Thought it was pretty good - always like a hefty dose of Nazi bad guys. Never read the comic, so I had no pre-conceived ideas going in. It did kind of run out of petrol towards the end - like most films - too long.

I don't actually remeber this tv series - but it looks fucking great.

Splat!

Poor Martina Hingis...makes her big comeback at the Thailand Open after two years off the circuit..and gets twatted in the first round by a German nobody's ever heard of.
She looked very nice though, which, of course, is the premier thing in Women's Tennis. The game is sorely lacking visual talent at the moment.

Super Crap

Just in case anybody was wondering... Catwoman is shit.
This was no surprise or anything, but I thought I needed to justify posting the picture by doing an in-depth review.

Global Domination

Being bored out of my tiny mind at work today, hoping that The Pope makes it to the end of my shift, I stuck my name in a couple of search engines, and there's Octopus 99, right at the top of 7,500 hits.
How very something.

A Scary Vision Of The Future

In a mild drinking frenzy last night Niowulf ( http://badgertimes.blogspot.com ) was telling me how his daughter Caitlin had been watching I, Robot with him.
After a particularly violent scene (bloke plummets to death from high window), he switched it off & told Caitlin it was bed time.
Next morning Mrs Niowulf confronted him saying little Caitlin had had Bad Dreams all night.
Niowulf responded by saying that it hadn't been that violent.
But apparently it wasn't the violence from the film that had given little Caitlin nightmares...it was the fact that daddy had told her that in the future everything would be American & there would be robots everywhere.
I guess sometimes the truth isn't too pretty.

Harsh.